Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Star Wars parenting

The boys had an argument when getting ready for bed, the details of which are not important. What is important is that Alex got soap in Nate's mouth and Nate hit him back (gently) out of anger. This turned into a long conversation with the boys, one which we've repeated over and over in our house - we need to have patience with Alex when his medication has worn off because sometimes he makes bad choices. When he makes a bad choice - get a parent to help.

As Alex apologized to Nate, I felt exhausted by parenting. It happens to all of us, right? When it was time to talk about Nate's actions, I said, "Tell him you're sorry for giving in to your anger, for giving in to the dark side. Tell him you're sorry you let the dark side control your anger."

They both fell on the floor in a heap of giggles.

After more laughing, we did talk more about how giving it to anger can lead to bad actions. Bad actions lead to being a bad person. Being a bad person leads you to becoming Darth Vader, no friends, no family, all alone, no love. They loved this, truly loved it.

Some of the best advice our family therapists have given us is that you have to be able to laugh at the situation sometimes or you will cry (overwhelmed). I keep that in my heart a lot. Some days I'm not always able to laugh, but the days I do often feel much easier. Parenting can be a long journey some days, and I can only hope that a small fraction of what we're trying to instill in the boys sticks with them. If Star Wars helps it stick, then I'll take it.

8 comments:

Beth said...

This is brilliant!

Tanika Davis said...

Smart, you are.

Joanna said...

I'd write a longer comment, but I'm on the floor giggling. Geek parents rock.

Ann said...

May the force be with you!

Anandi Raman Creath said...

Awesome. And the laughing really makes it better - it always feel less combative and like they are more open to learning.

Beth said...

That's great. I'm sure it will stick since it makes a connection to something they know and love. Such sweet boys.

thellfamily said...

This is awesome. I used humor this week to dissipate an escalation, too. J was really mad about a little thing that S did and couldn't get over it. He kept saying, I can't believe she did that to me! Finally I said, I know something that will make you feel better. For the next 10 years, S is going to do so many worse things to you, that it will make this seem like nothing." I just completely cracked myself up and then he couldn't stop laughing, either.

thellfamily said...

This is awesome. I used humor this week to dissipate an escalation, too. J was really mad about a little thing that S did and couldn't get over it. He kept saying, I can't believe she did that to me! Finally I said, I know something that will make you feel better. For the next 10 years, S is going to do so many worse things to you, that it will make this seem like nothing." I just completely cracked myself up and then he couldn't stop laughing, either.