Tuesday, April 24, 2012

I'm getting sick of myself

Look at this photo. Really look at it.


NA


I started this blog THE DAY I found out I was pregnant with these two. I've written nearly every Monday through Friday since then. Almost 7 years. They are boys now.

I've written about pregnancy. Labor scares. Bed rest. 14 weeks of bed rest! Emergency c-sections. NICU.

I've written about prematurity. Breastfeeding not working. Developmental delays. Reflux. Torticollis and plagiocephaly.  Helmets. Ear tubes. Allergy testing. The complete and utter insanity of two babies as first time parents, living in a place with no family.

I've written about toddlers. Speech delays. Potty training. Poop. Transition to eating our food. Day care. Sports. More poop. That time I screamed the F bomb in Nate's face.  Allowance. Travel. Transition to kindergarten.

I've written about working full time. Traveling spouse. Starting a photography business. Working out. My hair. MY HAIR. Letters to celebrity twin parents. Living Mondo while being the busiest I have ever been in my entire.

Basically I am tired of hearing myself. I'm at a super weird place in blogging where all my old blogfriends have stopped blogging, and my kids are at a place where I want to be sensitive about what I write.

I don't know people. Tell me what to do. I love documenting their lives but sometimes it feels like I speak into a void. Sometimes I feel like I've already said it all.

How do I get out of this blogfunk? This one that seems to have lasted for a few months? Do I finally call it quits here, after 1772 posts? I think I need to be reminded of all that this blog brings into my life.

(Maybe I need a letter to myself from 20 years in the future?)

40 comments:

Jodi said...

you say what i think so much better than I could ever say it... I don't feel like I have anything new to say, that can be said the way I'd want to say it. It's a fine line.

Trust your gut.

Marcia (123 blog) said...

How about more Laura? More on what you think, more on how you "balance" it all, how your business is going, etc. More on the "living life Mondo" stuff :)

Beth said...

Yes--exactly! At least you're still writing something every day. I can't quite pinpoint why I'm not blogging more--I think it's mostly because my dang laptop is broken. Anyway, I don't want you to quit. But dude, once you start slowing down, it's so hard to get back into it. A few days slips into a week slips into a few weeks, and suddenly, you haven't blogged in a month. So just keep digging and you'll figure out what to blog about, and I'll follow your lead. Maybe I'll go blog right now.

Joanna said...

The main reason I can think of you keeping it going is for the blog books that you generate. However, because the boys are getting older, there's just so much that you don't want to put down on a blog. Maybe you could transition it more to photos and let the pictures speak for themselves.

I've been thinking a lot about my dormant blog lately. I have a lot on my mind, but most of it is just not blog material. It's too personal. Not about me, I'm fine sharing about me. But not about the other people in my life. I don't get to tell their stories.

Kim said...

I think that when you look back on this in 20 years you will be SO happy that you have chronicled your children's lives in this way. There is so much more life to record! Maybe you can take the pressure off of yourself to post every day and only post when you really have something that you would like to share/remember.

Tanika Davis said...

Is it incredibly selfish to say keep blogging for me?? Well, not just me, really, but all the "me's" out there, who found your blog by accident (or through someone's recommendation) when they were wondering about how the hell they could manage twins, bedrest, NICU stays, two toddlers, potty training, 18-month sleep regression, hearing loss, managing a family, a career, a healthy marriage and a vibrant personal life. I could go on and on about all the reasons your daily blog posts might help someone. They certainly help me. Your thoughts on life are inspiring; your beautiful photos are motivational. I promise I've learned more from you (and by extension, your blogging community, like Beth, for example) than from any parenting book. What would I do without you?

windycityvegan said...

Your interests and voice have certainly evolved since you started this site, and it seems that something very central to your happiness right now is your photography. I'd love to see this transition into a photo blog (it can always transition back to being text-heavy at any point). Your photos have so much to say. Let them talk!

My own blog? I'm very tempted to just delete the entire thing, but instead, I'm trying to be more photo-centric, too. Nina's finally at an age where photos of her need very little exposition from me -- it feels forced, like I'm just talking for the sake of hearing myself talk. And that's what the Twitterverse is for!

Brooke* said...

go through the same thing every day...why do you think my blog is now filled with pretty house pictures?! i like writing on my little blog but i'm feeling that my days of revealing stories about my kids are over... i sure will miss you if you leave...

Tanika Davis said...

And P.S. In addition to the motivational/inspirational stuff (which might seem like a lot of pressure), I also love all the seemingly-mundane things you help me with, like what kind of lunch containers to buy, or where to find the perfect Etsy wall poster I never knew I needed! In fact, those rubber bracelet-like labels you got for N & A? I got some for C & D and I love them. I need some for Clair, but I can't remember where we ordered them. Please send the link again. Thanks. (See?? I NEED you!)

DCAngel said...

I'm with Tanika (which is how I found this blog, btw) -- it IS inspiring to listen to someone who's got this beautiful life, and because I've got twins on the way, it's helpful to see how you've managed it all.

And your pictures are friggin' awesome. I'd tune in just to look at them!

But I also agree with Kim -- maybe write only when you have something that YOU want to document or say. This shouldn't feel like a chore.

heather v said...

We each keep coming back for a reason.

Maybe for parenting advice, or ways to make life less chaotic, or to commiserate the perils of parenthood, or encouragement to follow a dream.

Maybe just for the pictures.

I write for myself for no other reason. Writing it outloud is sometimes easier than actually saying it outloud.

When something begins to seem as a chore, then of course reevaluation or retooling is needed.

Just make sure you find your outlet. You have too much to say, too much to share to stay mum.

Lindsay said...

I will still love you if you stop blogging. =)

Sally said...

My twins are 1.5 years younger than yours and I feel like I've been a little more prepared for the hard phases because I read your blog. Almost every time my boys start doing something that drives me INSANE, I remember you writing about the same phase around the same age and it's really reassuring to know that your kids did it, too, and you survived it. I also really like the sane/nerdy parenting tips you have, like the spreadsheet for tracking and rewarding your kids getting ready each day. I would miss you if you were gone, but also totally understand how hard it must be to keep up.

Stacey said...

I love reading your blog. You know what the everyday mundane things are also perfect! My twin boys are just over a year younger then yours so it makes me feel like I'm not alone when we go through certain stages. It helps me put their development into perspective because I know it will be a stage that will soon pass. I love how you find things interesting in everyday life. Your little tidbits of info ie vacationing spots or activities, toys or even recommendations are a source of help and inspiration. Your mondo lists are fantastic and have inspired me to actually write stuff down, because when I write it down it actually get’s done!!

Beth said...

I openly want you to keep blogging because I love reading about your life with the boys and Jon. I don't know anyone in real life with twins, so it's been incredibly helpful and just fun for me to get to know you this way. I love reading your posts, and clearly don't comment enough!

But, your blog isn't supposed to be about just giving to others. You need to find something in it to make it meaningful for yourself. Maybe fewer posts? More photos less text? Putting less pressure on yourself? A break? A password protected site? I think there are a lot of options between blogging and not-blogging, so maybe just take some time to think about it? Maybe take a blog break and see how you feel?

Sonya said...

I'm with Tanika. I found your blog by accident a while back and it helps me see how great life with twins is. Even though there are some rough days, there are great days too. You have such a great sense of humor and perspective (and photography skills)...and of course you're in NC making our state sound great. I'm a mother of a 3 year old boy and almost 5 month old twin girls (and live in the foothills of NC).

Cacey said...

Ramble mindlessly, it's what I do. Wait, no one reads my blog anymore. Ehh, I've got nothing. But I would miss your blog if it was gone!

Mommy, Esq. said...

I regret how my blogging has fallen off but I can't seem to get going again. Don't lose your momentum, Laura!

t + j said...

it's so awesome that you wrote this post today. this morning, on the way to school, oskar asked me, "what ever happened to that book you were making of me and abel when we were babies." he was referring to the blog book of their first year that has been in progress for the past 4 years. the one that i was going to gift the grandparents a few months after the boys' first birthday. HA! i told him i would finish it and order it. but then i got a pang of guilt of a different sort. holy crap, i have basically documented nothing of their lives for the past year. i haven't even written a word on our blog for nearly 9 months. and then i felt it. REGRET. i am not one to regret. i live my life the best i can and i try not to be hard on myself. i've been doing A LOT in those 9 months. but those memories, those experiences, put into words, is irreplaceable. what you have done for nate and alex is irreplaceable. for them to see the world, themselves, through your eyes, is such a gift. the fact that you've been so authentic along the way is an even greater gift. i WISH i hadn't slacked on my blog, because it's amazing to think back to this past year and everything that has happened. i wish i could go back and document it, and maybe i will try to recreate it a little. we'll see.

dude, don't give this up.

B. said...

I LOVE reading your blog. But that is just my selfish point of view...my twin boys are two and I have vague plans to stop blogging about them at some point to maintain some privacy for them but I have yet to decide when. Do what is best for you and your family.

Carrie77 said...

I love your blog, Laura. But, you have to do what is right for you. If its become a chore, maybe its time to do something else with that time. Blogging takes a lot of time! You could always take a month off, and see how it feels. If you have a lot of regrets after that month, go back to blogging... If you enjoy the break, then maybe its time to let it go. I also like the suggestions on posting less frequently. I will hate to see your blog go, though. So I secretly hope you keep blogging. :)

erinlaughs said...

I'm at a similar point which is why I'm doing more posts about food. Remember when you used to document your SOLO meals or whatever those were that were local? Expand what you feel like you can write about here and see if that helps. But I agree, I love your voice, your pictures, and your stories, so I would like to see you continue!

Fawnsy said...

Keep blogging, its never boring!
Sarah

Gillian said...

I really enjoy your blog and check it frequently. But - I guess you already know that I am a blog dropout. One thing (that I think I mentioned when we were waiting for HG) is that FOR ME when I am blogging it's like I develop this inner narrator who is framing a certain moment as a bloggable moment - reminding myself to document and take pictures - I don't know - it sort of led to a side of myself that I am not overly fond of. I don't know if this is an issue for you.

A break is one idea. A week (or your choice of lenghth of time) of non-kid posts is another. I do think it's wise to listen to yourself on this one. And no decision has to be forever, of course. What do you like about blogging? What don't you like? What/when is the last post you wrote that felt like it came easily (or that you felt great about) - not exactly sure how to ask this question. What does it feel like to tell yourself "no more blog"? What does it feel like to tell yourself to keep blogging for 3 more months and make a decision then? (Obviously don't feel like you have to answer these questions. Unless you want to. Hey, it's a blog entry!!)

One thing I admire very much about you is that you seek out sources of inspiration while also working hard to better yourself. I would be really interested in a series of posts about what inspired you in the course of a day/week. Just another thought.

xo

Michele said...

Everyone has such great comments - and I agree with almost all of them. And I suck at blogging myself.

I just wanted to add that looking at your blog during my 10am coding break is one of the things that gets me through my day sometimes.

Angela said...

I have been the same way. I try to keep going to document the kids lives and the fun we've had, and to keep in touch with family. You'll know what's right for you. But no matter what, I for one love reading what you have to say. Always!

Amy L said...

Ditto Angela. I always enjoy reading your blog - I've learned a lot, and I love your perspectives on parenting, life, marriage, friendships, etc. Now that I have less time on the computer, my blog reading has almost completely dropped off, but yours is one of the few that I still read regularly. I completely get why you're getting tired of it though, especially with children that are getting older. Blogging isn't one of my favorite things to do, but I do it because I love having the record for later.

Bren said...

I just want you to know that I thoroughly enjoy reading you almost every day! Your pictures are fantastic and your boys (and their stories) are adorable. It's not a void you are talking to but us busy moms who enjoy laughing at others' stories but who are too lazy or busy(unfortunately) to comment enough for you to know we are out here. Did that make sense? It's been a long day!

Karen said...

I agree with some of the previous comments regarding changing your focus to more posts about you or transitioning to more photos. They really speak for themselves!

I would miss your blog if you stopped but I would understand.

Maria said...

I get it. Clearly. But we loooooove you! And all of your crazy kid/life/photo things. You are such a help to people-maybe you could write a book instead...

Goddess in Progress said...

Nothing new that hasn't been said already, but I would miss your posts if you stopped! That said, if stopping is right for you, I won't stand in your way.

My posts have fallen off so much. Is it because life is busier? Less to say? More boundaries as they get older? Should I blame Twitter or Facebook or Instagram for filling that social media need? Who knows.

Blog if it feels right to you. Don't if it doesn't. But as everyone else has said, sharing your life with the internet has reached, touched, and helped a lot of people.

Amy said...

Laura- I think you have to decide what is right for you and your family, and go with that. That being said, I love your blog! It is the one that I most regularly turn to for a well balanced take on parenting. I have sent many expectant friends to this site. I agree with the commenter who said she would like to hear more about you - more about the "balance." After almost 4 years of having twins I think I have come to the realization that there is no such thing as "balance," but rather it is about finding peace in the imbalance. Those are the discussions I always love to have and hear. All will be fine no matter what you decide.

Jill said...

Chiming in...my stop in here is a highlight of my day, and if you did stop blogging I would miss you terribly. That being said, I get it.

Lesli said...

You don't know me...but I think you rock. You remind me I'm not alone in my journey through full-time working motherhood and trying to balance it all. You also are able to articulate it so well. With that said...if the blog is not making you a better "you" (Laura, wife, mom, friend, etc.) then it may be time for a change. Can't imagine posting daily.

I relate to your journey in so many ways...have a daughter the same age as your boys...live in NC (Wilmington)...have a full-time techy job and am a bit nerdy but also have a big creative side...love photography (love your pics)...have embraced my nerdiness and lucky enough to find a husband that loves me for it...family is my center but struggling to stay me and balance it all...love the living MONDO concept which has inspired me to go outside of my comfort zone.

Thanks. : )

Kathy said...

Another "ditto" to the comments above. I originally found your blog through HDYDI (and also a former Boston twin mom in the same group as some of the people you know - still a twin mom but now living in Florida...). My girls are a few months younger than your boys and I have gotten so many suggestions and so much inspiration from you! Seriously, you are a hero of mine. Not only as a mother but just how you are working to live your life. I admire what you have created for your children (and you and your husband!) to look back on. Obviously you have to decide what works for you but I would also miss you if you were gone!

Anandi Raman Creath said...

I love your blog as well, but my opinion is that if it feels like work and is not bringing you joy, then you need to make a decision.

I don't think it's something you do for other people, only yourself.

You could also take a break for a month or two and see if you miss it. And you can always come back, you know :)

Jen W said...

I see I am not alone in the Case Family Fanclub. I've been reading since I was told I'd be having twins, soaking up your wisdom. Your family is inspiring, your boys are growing into fine young men and I truly hope that my kids, my family can enjoy the journey, give back, and be the best family we can be, just like the Amazing Case Family.

Tracey said...

I'm responding belatedly, but I just wanted you to know how much I enjoy your blog. The writing and the pictures. I "discovered" you through the Superhero Photo class last summer and was quickly drawn in to reading your blog. You've gotta do what you've gotta do, but I'd miss you. ;) I actually like the fact that your blog is a brief slice of life everyday - a quick read, some gorgeous photos. It brightens my day. And I love that you keep it real. And I am totally jealous that you have those blog books for your kids. That is such an amazing gift for you and for them. Lotsa love over here.

DesiDVM said...

Ok super late...I still read your blog! But I went into a permanent blog funk a few months ago and poof that was it, blog over. When I was really into it, I was REALLY INTO IT. And then...living my life took over writing about living my life and I just didn't have the time or energy. I do miss it though, I'm always thinking I should try to capture some of the many thoughts I have. And I feel like the little one is totally getting shafted; his brother was basically the center of my blog for 3 years.

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