Hope

Last year's record breaking summer heat led directly to December's record breaking cold. I've been feeling stir crazy this winter and this weekend provided exactly what I needed - warm weather with the promise that winter will be over soon.

60 on Friday
65 on Saturday
70 on Sunday. 70!!! It was awesome.

Hit Noodles & Company for lunch and sat on the patio. Visited Airport Park (with a bazillion other families... lots of plane activity for the NHL All-Star). Walked to get ice cream. Let the boys run around in the backyard unsupervised.

Used the screened-in porch for the first time. January 30!



I had no idea how much we all needed that.

Ending Project 365... again

Instead of feeling inspired by Project 365, I felt angry and resentful I had to try to get a great photo every.day. I'm quitting this project... again. Same as 2010. I had this thought that forcing myself to take photos every day would improve my photography. But when I look at the difference in my photos between this time last year and now, they have vastly improved by taking photos when I want.

One piece of advice Lesley from Barr Babies gave me was at each shoot, take one photo for yourself. I did that this week taking photos of a friend's baby and it made me realize I need to take more shots for myself when shooting other people's kids:

Show Me the Mommy! blogfriend edition

Yesterday I got a very nice blog comment from a new-to-me reader Tanika. After stopping by her blog, I was surprised to learn Tanika had been reading for over a year! She had some very wonderful things to say about my blog, which I truly appreciate. While I do get hundreds of readers every day, I generally get less than 20 comments on each post. I rarely know if anyone likes what I put out there.

(Except Joanna. She gets a gold star because she comments on every post.)

My point of this post is not to embarrass Tanika. My point is that if you're reading here, you know me but I may not know you. And I WANT to know the people reading! Odds are that if you enjoy reading the mundane details about my life with kids, we would probably get along in real life.

4.5 YEARS AGO someone named Beth commented on my blog asking some sleep questions. I commented on her blog. Comments turned to emails. THREE YEARS AGO this month emails led me to meeting my first blogfriend in person:

Since then, I stayed at Beth's house for the Obama inauguration. She visited my house with her kids. My family stayed at her house on the way to Warrior Dash PA. We went to Vegas together. And she'll be visiting for a weekend while Jon is overseas.

Since then, I have also met blogfriends Megan, Joanna, Lindsay, Bridget, Rita, Cacey, Liz, Jenn, Karen, Desi, Heidi, Cathy, Lesley, Julie, Tracey, Maria, Sadia, Rachel, Lisa, Erin B, Erin S, Jodi, and Monika in person. (Did I forget anyone? That was off the top of my head!) 24 amazing women I met because I put myself out there. 24 amazing friends who I got to know through blog posts and comments. A huge huge community of support who make me a better mom.

So if you're reading, I'd love to hear from you. Any time.

PS. If you leave a comment, it helps if your blogger or wordpress profile has an email address attached to it so I can email you back!

I wish I didn't suck at writing

I find age 4 to be so difficult to capture in words. How do you describe how quickly 4 year olds can make you feel unappreciated when they are rude and insolent? How do you describe the parenting self-doubt when they do truly insane and wild (and developmentally appropriate) things? How do you describe that feeling the first time you hear your precious babies tell you they don't like you?

I depend so much on pictures because they tell the part of the story that my non-writer self can not adequately capture in words.

When the boys were newborns, I felt almost desperate for them to recognize each other, to see each other, to *know* they were twins. Those hopes kept me going through bed rest and sleepless NICU nights. They used to kind of stare in each other's direction and then one day, Alex laughed for the first time. He giggled and giggled when Nate shook this monkey in a gym play mat.

It was pure magic. I will never forget that sound, ever.

That is why I have a tough time capturing age 4. There is pure magic unfolding in front of our eyes. The boys play together. They laugh together. They show each other real affection. On the flip side of their insanity, there is a gentleness and love for each other that is nearly impossible to describe.

(Alex consoling Nate after he lost to Alex at Wii bowling)




I will never find the right words to describe watching this relationship unfold because some parts of this parenting experience are beyond words. Words can't do this love justice.

This is so many kinds of fail I don't know where to start

Alex, at the pet store, standing in front of the hamster cages, to Laura:

"Look mommy, it's a Zhu Zhu Pet!"

Update on many things unrelated to children

I got my hearing aid 3 weeks ago and I love it. It is barely noticeable unless you are looking for it. I had some crazy feedback issues when they cranked it to 100% but they are fixed. There are two issues with the hearing aid:

• I have to blow dry my hair before wearing it. Lazy Laura does not like this.
• Why didn't anyone tell me my children are SO FREAKING LOUD??!??!?!?!?!?!

I have been exhausted the last month, truly and terribly exhausted. It makes no sense because Jon has been home the entire time. It has not been conducive to making 2011 the Best Year Ever. Yesterday results came back that my vitamin D levels are super duper low. Maybe because I wear sunscreen to prevent more skin cancer??? I'm taking a megadose of vitamin D and will report back.


Many people have been emailing to ask about the new house. We are IN LOVE with it. I've been hesitant to write about it in this space because I don't want to seem overly crazy about physical possessions. We all needed more space, particularly with Jon and I both telecommuting. The downstairs is close to done and I've gotten enough requests for pictures I snapped some quick (crappy unedited) photos:




The Legos are a nice decorating touch, huh? The sectional is AWESOME and the picture does not do justice to how big it is. Jon (at 6'4") comfortably lays down and still has room for his feet. All four of us can watch tv without anyone feeling like they are going to be suffocated.

We still need window treatments and blinds and more decorative items but hello, life is freaking busy.



And for those who have not heard yet, Jon is going on a round-the-world business trip in February. The itinerary is impressive:

Raleigh - Detroit - Seoul - Tokyo - Singapore - Johannesburg - Atlanta - Raleigh

Before kids, I would have been so jealous and/or figured out a way to tag along. After kids, I feel bad for Jon spending that much time in airports and being away from our family for so long.

The only *teeny tiny* reason I would want to tag along is to go to Seoul or Tokyo and see Jon standing amidst a sea of short Asians. Instead I will be bombarding this blog with pictures, videos, and stories in February so Jon can keep in touch.

Monkey see, monkey do

Desi asked on my last post how I get four year old boys to sit still to take photos. Good question.

I could go on and on about what it takes to get cooperation out of the boys. It helps when I have a shot I know I want to take so I can direct them. It also helps when they are engaged and interested so I try to make it fun. After I take "my" shots, I let them pick what pictures they want me to take. They love doing crazy stuff then seeing the picture on the back of the camera.

In this case, Alex has been dying to play with a new bean bag I brought home. I set him up exactly the way I wanted then talked to him (entertained him) until I got the expression I wanted.

Then Alex chose this as his pose after I was done with "my" pictures:




What you don't normally see is the Monkey See, Monkey Do shots. Once Nate saw Alex getting positive attention, good old sibling rivalry made him want to do the same thing to get my attention. I prefer the comparable shot of Alex so normally I would just post one of them:




I would say the hardest part of photographing my own children is getting their cooperation. While I do have a lot of access to them, they are old enough to voice their disinterest in being photographed. It is actually making me a much better photographer to force me to learn how to coax subjects into shots. And it makes getting The Shot that much sweeter.

But sometimes... wow I am ready to starting yelling!

Thoughts???

Everyone was so creeped out by Fake Baby that I decided to ask Alex if he would model for me for my in-home test shoots. What are your thoughts on this? Too Photoshoppy? Looks good? If this was a photo of your child, what would you honestly think? Does it look realistic or like too much?

(BESIDES THE PUPPY DOG BROWN EYES THAT MAKE YOUR HEART MELT, I MEAN)





(Also I'm finally getting into the 21st century and watermarking my photos.)

(ALSO OMG COULD HE BE ANY SWEETER?)

Show Me the Mommy! upper body workout edition!

Seriously, if I advise you to go to an ice rink with kiddie sleds, there is a reason.

Short kids + lack of ice skating experience + SLIPPERY ICE SURFACE + loud music = I'm too old to go to an ice rink without kiddie sleds

Trying to be less cranky about hating winter

One of the blessings of having lived in Chicago is that when the weather is nice in winter, we grab that day by the throat and suck every last warm minute of it. Yesterday was almost 60 (!!!) so I did my workout outside and felt WARM. Then I convinced Jon we needed to take the boys to Winterfest in downtown Raleigh, aka an outdoor ice skating rink.

The boys were SO EXCITED to go ice skating.... but then we got there and the rink was too little for those kiddie sleds that help support the little ones. Jon and I were exhausted in the first 10 minutes, hunched over, holding a flailing kid and helping them skate while trying to skate ourselves.

This would also be the time to mention that I've ice skated less than 10 times in my life. I'm still pretty proficient from all the roller blading I did in college, but it was a CHALLENGE to not eat it on the ice.

Both Jon and I felt like maybe this was a bad idea, but we powered on because the boys were in heaven. They loved every minute. And as I skated with Alex, he said he wanted to skate by himself. NOW.... if it were Jon, Jon would have said no. I am the one who lets the boys push it a little. I told Alex to go ahead, fully expecting a fall with a head crack on the ice or a bruised tailbone.

OH MY FRIKITY FRAK!!!




This pretty much turned the night around. It far exceeded our expectations by like 10 million percent.




How many times have I said Alex's major strength is his physicality? The kid crawled at 6 months and walked at 10 months despite being a month premature. But never did we ever expect he would just get on the ice and skate around. We HAD to take videos for the grandparents.




Nate wasn't this brave but he did let go of the sides and skate a few feet. Alex went all over the rink. The nice part about one kid skating on their own was that Jon and I could then hold one kid in between us and skate, so much easier.

Afterward, we decided to hit the old school original Krispy Kreme (KK is from NC) in downtown and get some warm doughnuts.




The boys are finally old enough to be completely fascinated by the doughnut line. They asked a million questions and Jon and I were happy to explain the deliciousness of doughnut creation. I had hoped to do the Krispy Kreme run this winter (run 2 miles, eat 12 doughnuts, run 2 more miles) but have other plans that weekend. 2012... look out!




The special doughnut right now is a dark chocolate doughnut so of course I had to try it. It doesn't taste like dark chocolate, it just tastes like a chocolate filled doughnut. I loved it. Nate wanted to try it and when he ate a bite, his eyes got wide and he yelled, "This is so awesome!" Yes Nate, everything about this night was so awesome.

The new normal

Sometimes it's hard to remember how the first two years of parenting twins completely kicked our butts. Learning to balance two kids, two jobs (one traveling), day care illnesses, and doing stuff for ourselves took a very long time. In those days, the challenges were mostly physical - carrying babies, changing babies, feeding babies, getting up in the middle of the night with sick babies. As the boys age, everything becomes physically easier but more emotionally challenging.

This weekend highlighted how we've gotten to a point where everyone in the family gets to do what they want. I went for an 8 mile half marathon training run while Jon watched football and snoozed on the couch (day 20):




(He's such a good sport to let me post that, huh? Alex and Jon look so similar while sleeping.)

Jon and I walked with the boys to our neighborhood park. There was no sweating and chasing two toddlers running in opposite directions. Jon and I chatted with each other while the boys burned off steam. (Day 21):




The boys spend a lot more time doing things together since moving to the new house. They'll go to the third floor and play wii or go to the second floor and play Star Wars. Sometimes they hang out on the couch looking at photos on the camera and/or playing Plants vs Zombies on our phones (day 23):




People often ask how we know we're done with kids, and I want to tell them it's because I'm happy with the new normal.

The anti-twins

My boys have rarely acted like twins.

As newborns, they never cuddled close, needing each other for comfort (Nate cried). As toddlers, they never developed a twin language. (Nate was an early talker... and verbose.) They've never had that twin "thing" I see in other twins.

Their entire lives, they've been like night and day. Good sleeper, bad sleeper. Good eater, bad eater. Talkative, quiet. Introvert, extrovert. No response to pain, insane response to pain. Brown hair, blond hair. They are the anti-twins.

Yesterday I took them to their favorite park. As I spun them in circles on the tire swing, they pressed their heads together. It was the most twin-like thing I've ever seen them do. (Day 022)





I'd like to think it's because they know they will always have each other to steady themselves when they need support.

MLK Day

I'm off work with the kids and working hard on my resolution to be less connected to the outside world.

I'm also thinking about this 365 project. The kids and I are getting burned out taking a photo each day. I've also found I have multiple photos I love in a day, so picking one has been hard. More thinking...



Back to my sweeties.

Home sweet home

I only had room to bring my trusty iphone and Hipstamatic to Chicago with me. I work (telecommute to) in the Merchandise Mart. The Mart is crazy huge as it spans two city blocks. You can get quite the work out just trying to get from your floor to get something to eat.

Day 15, the halls of the Mart:




I saw Jon's sister and family as well as Jon's dad on Monday night, but did I take a picture of that? Of course not.

Tuesday night after an all-day conference, we had a corporate bowling event downtown on the north side. Call it cliche but the Wrigley Building is beautiful at night, Day 16:




Wednesday I met up with Mondo friend Natalie to eat at a Mondo restaurant, Girl and the Goat (any Top Chef fans? It's Stephanie I's restaurant). Did I take a picture of Natalie or our amazing food or our very fun wine bottle? Of course not. Instead I opted to subject my hands to frostbite to take a picture of a view I never ever get tired of, Day 17, Chicago River:




Day 18, I couldn't leave Chicago without a Blue Moon.




The boys are getting into my 365 Project as they know I take a couple of quick pictures and then I am done. Nate is growing more proficient and INSANELY CUTER with the big camera. He tells you exactly where to stand, where to face, and what kind of expression to have. A little editing help from mom and his photos are turning out great. Even though I'm technically picking the "best" photo each day, Day 19 requires two shots.

Shot 1 (me):




Shot 2 (the picture Nate took while I took mine, no cropping!):

Blogging break

I'm in Chicago for work for the week so my blog is on a little hiatus. I'll miss my boys this week!

I went out for an 8 mile training run on Saturday that accidentally turned into 9 miles due to some bad math on my part. In the extra mile, I found a spot I'll be visiting again for more photos. Lemons into lemonade.

Day 014, Nate scoped out the new spot with me

Day 013

Are you ready for some football?

Day 012

Swim class at the Y started this morning. The boys complained ALL WEEK about not wanting to do swim class, in only the way 4 year olds can constantly argue with you in every way possible. Times two.

They got in the pool and absolutely loved every minute. Alex had to swim with his face above water because he was smiling and laughing so much.

The only problem is they had a massive growth spurt since summer. They are so skinny their 3T swimsuits fall off and show some crack from time to time. I can't bring myself to put my 4.66 year olds in 2T swimsuits or speedos.

(Day 012, iphone, hipstamatic)

Show Me the Mommy 2011!

After my success getting in front of the camera in 2010 and inspired by Megan's winning post, I decided 2011 would be a time when I would try to get more pictures of me and Jon together. Over the holiday break, I went through all our pre-kid photos and purged ones we didn't need. Once I got to the year 2000 in that effort, 99% of the pictures include Jon. Once I hit 2006 when the boys were born, pictures of us together are rare.

When you look at this picture, do you see where Alex gets his puppy dog brown eyes??

(Day 011, iphone, Hipstamatic)




PS. Today is hearing aid day, CAN NOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On running

A year ago, Erin and I thought it would be fun to race each other to Nike+ blue level, about 500 miles. I had a spark of thought that we should see if other people wanted to join us. One year later, we had 53 people with us who had finished an average of 500 miles.

Throughout the year, there were many many many times I did not want to lace up. Hottest summer ever in NC. Snow storms. Single mom-ing it while putting our house on the market. Every time I thought about not lacing up, all I could think was that I wanted to finish in the top 10. I wanted to finish 500 miles before Erin. I wanted to FINALLY be consistent in my running... not just training for a race. Not just running when I felt like it and the weather was perfect.

2010 was my most consistent running year, and you know 2010 was a crazy ass year. My 2011 running goals are bigger and better, because I love how I feel about myself when I run. My mind thinks I can do anything. My body refuses to admit it will be 37 in two months. I feel proud when my kids want to run with me. It's good for me on all levels.

Many times in my running life I have felt like a REAL runner. Falling down a muddy hill during a 20 mile training run and still going. Running outdoors an entire Chicago winter. Yesterday was another big running moment. I had to buy indoor running shoes because my outdoor running shoes look like this (day 010):



The challenge this year is called Move It 2011. 140 people SO FAR will be participating, all because Erin and I thought it would be fun to help motivate each other.

There's still time to join us. For inspiration, I will steal Cathy's facebook status from yesterday:

"In a year from now you will wish you had started today."

On day 9, she changed her mind

You would think I would have learned by now I do not have time to update two blogs. I'm still committed to completing my Project 365 of a photo a day but I'm moving it from my other blog to this blog. I take a lot of photos of the kids so it's hard to come up with two posts a day about the kids!

I'm going to shut down my other blog FOREVER and move everything here. Starting now.

Day 001:
Nature walk in the snow with Alex




Day 002:
Busy day, got home from a snowy muddy run with 10 minutes of daylight left. Snapped a quick picture in front of the guest room window.

Nate has not had a good day today.




Day 003:
Spending time with Alex at a playground is spending time in joyful motion.





Day 004:
Hanging out on the third floor bonus.
They are both playing Plants vs Zombies.





Day 005:
They do a much better job at Wii bowling than real bowling.
I asked Nate if he enjoyed it and he said, "It was as much fun as taking a spaceship to the moon!"

(iphone, Hipstamatic)




Day 006:
Alex was scared to death of the sparklers but Nate had a BLAST.




Day 007:
He wasn't sad. He wanted to make this face for my picture.




Day 008:
Smashing of the Gingerbread House




Day 009 (today):
Me, laying on the new sectional, taking a picture of Jon, who fits on the new sectional at the same time with feet room to spare.
(iphone, Hipstamatic)

And so it begins

Kindergarten registration is one month from yesterday. GASP.

I had a couple of registration questions so I called the school. When I picked the boys up, I told them I talked to the school because we need to sign them up soon. We have been talking up kindergarten a LOT because it will be the first time the boys will be separated (we had hoped to separate them earlier). Both boys said they were sad they would be in different classes. I asked why, expecting "I will miss my brother" or "I'm scared to go to a new school." What I got:

"What if no one will play Star Wars with me?"

Ringing in 2011 (and Show Me the Mommy winner)

Our family had almost two full weeks of no school and no work. I would say this was the easiest and most enjoyable Christmas break we've enjoyed together. Part of it is the boys' independence and part of it is having enough space for everyone.

We finished out our Christmas Fun List with the Eighth Annual Case Family Smashing of the Gingerbread Houses.




Jon and I started this tradition the year we moved in together. We had so much fun we said we'd do it every year.

(Nate's shirt is a Christmas present for Jon... custom Vikings shirts for the boys with "N. CASE" and "A. CASE" on the back. I got them from a local etsy seller. Love!)




This year, the Smashing went quickly despite having four gingerbread houses.




(They're not trying to be cool. They're wearing "safety goggles.")




The boys were able to smash them in one shot so next year I will be using this hot glue gun method for construction and decorating. Mass production, if you will. Maybe even a Smashing party.




Last year I switched to goals instead of resolutions. My goals were to improve my photography (oh HELL YEAH), stay in shape (again HELL YEAH), and stay present in more moments (again! HY!). I intend for 2011 to be Best Year Ever with pretty much the same goals. I'm adding a goal to focus more time connecting in person with my friends.

I'll be continuing Show Me the Mommy this year and hope you will join me. I was so impressed and touched by all your photos, some of you I saw for the first time! Three posts particularly moved me so I decided all three people win.

• This post by Megan blew me away. Love every single word of it.
  
• This post by London made me cry. I kept this post with me throughout the holidays.
  
• And this post by Jodi is EXACTLY why I started Show Me the Mommy. Unfortunately Jodi doesn't win a gift card, since she's local I'm going to take her out for coffee and chat in person!
  

2010 Book List

I ended at 52 books in 2010. With everything else on my plate, I'm happy with that number. Here's how I rated them.

5 star books:

• The Help
• Nurtureshock
• Uglies
• Drop City
• Retirement Savings Time Bomb
• Little Bee
• Hunger Games

4 star books:

• Girl with Dragon Tattoo
• Reliable Wife
• Raising Your Spirited Child
• Shanghai Girls
• Bad Mother
• Your Four Year Old
• Eating Animals
• One Second After
• The Big Short
• Catching Fire
• Expressive Photography
• Under the Dome
• Dead Until Dark
• Five Dysfunctions of a Team (had to read for work and really enjoyed it)

There were 25 3 star books in the mix. I like to "clear my mind" in between great reads so I am okay with that number. There were two 1 star books:

• Cutting for Stone. BORING AS HELL. This is my 2010 Twilight - the book everyone else loves but I totally hate.
  
• I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. I will consider my parenting a complete failure if either of my children acts even 1% this horrible and disrespectful to women.

Most notable reading: I read the entire Hunger Games trilogy at the beach (re-read of first two for me).

Books I'm excited about for 2011:

• Freedom
• Zeitoun
• Room
• Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk
• Packing for Mars