99% of the time I am calm and rational about the upcoming changes in kindergarten. The other 1%, my brain goes into overdrive with questions:
Are the boys going to do okay separated at kindergarten???
Will they be there for each other on the school bus????
Are we making the right decision????
Are they going to hate us for forcing all these transitions on them at the same time???
Will this hurt their relationship???
Are they too little and too young to start kindergarten now??? Should we have red-shirted them???
Who thought it was a good idea to give me two babies, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing!!!
16 comments:
Hang in there!!
I'm sure if you talk to the boys' teachers in advance, they will help to put your mind at ease. We were really nervous about separating A&B because they would be taking the bus together and then going different ways once they arrived (without US there to help). They did great. Although, we were armed with assurances that if during those first few days they needed to see each other, they would be allowed to do so. That helped our panic!
Oh, Laura, I'm sure they'll be fine but I think speak to others in similar situations and they'll give some perspective.
And breathe.
PS what does red-shirting mean?
I'm sure it's hard to deal with that feeling of loss of control when kids start school. But WOMAN, you have carefully plotted out every step leading up to this, so they most certainly will be fine! Any bumps in the road are part of them growing up, not poor parenting. I'll bet they'll still be best friends and be super excited to see each other on the bus.
They'll be fine. I worry about the separation too, but we're doing before/after school care, so I know they'll have their time together then. However, I'm making it clear to the administration that if I see any issues I reserve the right to change my mind at any point during the year.
A big no on the redshirting. Watching what your boys are doing now, they'd be so bored. My girls have been in class with "redshirts" all year, and I'm not seeing any clear benefits other than those kids are huge.
Seriously Laura--Shuddup! LOL. I can't speak to the whole splitting them up thing, but fwiw, I thik it's the right call. But if it sucks this year, can't you put them back together in 1st grade? As for red shirting--no way. Your boys are so READY for this. Hugs! I'm glad you're going through this first because come August, you're going to be reassuring me.
When you get the answers please pass them on to me because they are all running through my mind right now too!
Breathe, it is okay. You made an excellent decision. You thought it through, you weighed the pros and cons. Don't let your worries and fears run amok. Your boys are going to be just fine. Hey, they will even thrive and probably surprise you with their new independence.
I can tell you that even with one child, there is anxiety and nervousness and questions on the parents' parts and on the child's part. But there is also excitement and the thrill of something new. And the getting home from the first day of school all excited because "THEY DID IT" and then they break down and you hug them and love them and send them off again the next day.
And just a side note, my word verification is "MAGICAL". That is a sign.
Please, when my twins start kindergarten, will you remind me of my words here? I'll be too much of a mess to remember this :)
Only 1% of the time? You're doing better than I am.
I loved the comment about them being there for one another on the bus. It reminded me of a school trip my brother and sister took in high school. Because they are so close in age, they often ended up doing school stuff together so it wasn't surprising that they ended up on the same bus for a trip to NYC. After a stop to the WTC, they moved on to the UN. At the UN, one of the teacher's noticed that my sister was missing. Turns out that they had left her at the WTC and my brother never noticed that she wasn't on the bus.
Posts like this keep it real for those of us in awe of your 99% "keep it together-ness." I think a little self doubt is healthy, but you seem to have thought this through so carefully. I know this is not the same...but we just moved our twin girls into separate bedrooms, and though they are only 2yrs old, it seems to have actually stregnthened their relationship.
Your concern is totally understandable, but I also think you're doing the right thing. We kept the girls together in kindergarten because I had those same fears, and because we moved to a new town the same summer. But they are so ready for separation. I never thought that I would be ready for separation, but I am! In fact, I can't wait for it. I know there will be hard days, but I also have come to realize that this is exactly what they need. I used to worry that separation would strain their bond, but I now worry that they do too much with one another. Starting in kindergarten is really perfect. Everyone will know them as Nate Case and Alex Case, not "Nate and Alex". Well, there might be some of that, but nearly so much. I'll be anxious to hear about it, since our separation doesn't start until late August, but I'm sure they (and you) will do great!
As everyone said, of course you're doing great. Transitions are scary/hard on everyone. Your post reminded me of our conversation last night about bus riding. We would probably be separating too if that was an option this year. When they were tiny I couldn't imagine ever doing it, but now I'm guessing it would be better for them as individuals, and maybe even better for their relationship...
So...basically what you are saying is that the worry will never end?!?! J/K I know that. Yesterday was the boys' first day of preschool and my body is sore from how tense I was. :)
Ok Laura, You are putting so much weight on your shoulders!! Your boys are going to do AWESOME!! Just to give you some comforting words - Kyle & Kara's birthday is July 1. We sent them when they were 5 into separate classrooms. I know it may be easier for boy/girl twins to separate. They are doing awesome in college and I know will have a wonderful future!! I can't wait to hear all about Alex & Nate's accomplishments in school.
Keep your chin up!!
Aunt Rose
I just looked at my magic 8 ball. here are the answers:
yes, sometimes, yes because you are making the best decision you can with the information you have right now - that is always the right decision, no, not overall but there may be some bumps here and there as there are in every relationship, absolutely not/no.
Do any of us know what we're doing? :) I think each new phase, especially as we're facing it for the first time, causes parents to ask themselves that question. You have put so much thought and consideration into this decision, and I'm sure it will be the right one for your boys - and if it isn't, I think you should reserve the right to change your mind. They have such different personalities, and it seems like giving each of them their own space will be benefical to both of them. Good luck!!!
Why do you want to separate them? If it's your choice, that's fine. Dn't let the school bully you into separation. There's no research supporting forced separation, despite the fact that schools still try to force all twins to separate. Check out Twins Law.com if you want to see the latest research.
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