Right after I graduated from high school, I worked at a movie theater at the concession stand. My friends set me up on a blind date with a guy from another movie theater. He was 26, took me to a free movie, and made me pay for my own dinner at Checker's (which I don't even like). The date was terrible and awkward, but the worst part was when I realized I had to pay for my own food.
I had a lot of bad dates between the ages of 18 and 27 but that was by far the worst. And I never let my friends set me up on a blind date again.
My second worst date was on Friday night. I went out with one of my sons, who shall remain nameless. We ate a nice dinner out, then he wanted to go to Target to buy another beyblade.
As we walked through Target, he complained his stomach hurt. I asked over and over if he needed to use the bathroom and he refused. Finally, he screamed out and started to cry, then scream. I asked what happened.
He said he had a diarrhea accident.
I marched him, still crying, as fast as I could to the bathroom, while other shoppers stared at this screaming kid who was walking oddly. When I looked down his pants, I was HORRIFIED. Let's just say the underwear, the pants, and the socks were ruined. And here I was, alone in a Target bathroom stall with NO IDEA what to do. I had wipes and a change of clothes in the car but no way to get the boy to the car without more damage.
I called Jon on his cell and fortunately he was nearby with our other kid. Jon bought a new pair of pants and some pullups. While he did that, another mom got me a garbage bag for the kid to stand in so I had a place to put his soiled clothing.
As we walked out of Target, both boys said OVER and OVER in their loudest four year old boy voice:
DID YOU HAVE DIARRHEA?
I HAD DIARRHEA. IN TARGET.
DIARRHEA IN TARGET?
Laura: Please stop talking about it!
WHY CAN'T I TALK ABOUT DIARRHEA? I HAD DIARRHEA.
YEAH, HE HAD DIARRHEA. IN TARGET.
Jon: No more saying diarrhea! Or at least use inside voices!
Motherhood, it is glamorous.