Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Do I add to or help debunk the twin mythology?

Anyone who has twins can tell you there are many preconceived notions about twins:
  • Best friends forever
  • Good twin, bad twin
  • Always have a playmate
  • Inseparable
  • Same personalities
Yesterday a picture of Nate and Alex was featured on Rookie Moms! And that picture... it plays right into the good twin, bad twin mythology. I know the full story of that picture. I wanted a picture of "best friends forever" but every time we put Nate close to Alex, Nate would scream and cry. Nate was a Spirited baby (aka cranky from reflux and opinionated) and Alex was a Textbook easy baby.... good twin, bad twin.

And then let's talk about the best friends forever mythology, or rather, how I feed into that:


Do you know why I often post pictures of my boys kissing? It gives the impression they spontaneously kiss one another when I have a camera when they CERTAINLY do not. Telling them to give each other smoochies is the only way I know to get two four year old boys to stand still long enough to take a picture.

Always have a playmate... oh that is laughable for many reasons! They didn't truly start playing together any earlier than normal kids... around 3 years old. They didn't even *notice* each other until they were 4-5 months old.

Don't get me started on how there were THREE fights in the ten minutes I was upstairs changing this morning. Play together? HA HA HA.

I think to truly debunk (or prove) twin mythology takes time as you need to get know each individual pair. At times, they are best friends. At times, one is bad and one is good. At times, they love playing together. At times, they are inseparable. Their personalities are like night and day. This can be said about any siblings, not just twins.

Hopefully as you read here and get to know my boys, you will learn about twin myths and how my boys prove them or disprove them. And one only has to look through my flickr stream to see the trend. Two amazing boys, frequently together. I can't imagine one without the other. And yes, my hands are happily wonderfully full.



Joanna said...

Dude, you totally debunk twin mythology. Like hard.

And LOL if you think that picture of Nate smooching Alex supports the idea that your boys spontaneously kiss. Alex is clearly not down with that kiss.

Goddess in Progress said...

I think daily life with twins constantly debunks the myths, while at the same time reinforcing them. There are absolutely times that I feel like my kids have a constant playmate. But, of course, they have a constant sparring partner, too.

The thing that has proven LEAST true for me is the whole "twin language" thing that people love to ask about. My kids never had that at all.

I can't believe how much younger they look in the corn picture!

erinlaughs said...

Delaney had the nickname 'Angel Baby' when she was little because she was so easy. Caden? Not so much. That reversed with potty training of course!

My girls are on a best friends kick right now and it is so adorable. Last night Delaney asked for kisses and told Caden she loved her over and over. I sat them down and said "Remember this moment. You may not feel this way a week from now!"

DesiDVM said...

It's interesting for me as a twin to hear your perspective on the whole twin thing. I think in so many ways being a twin is really different than other sibling relationships, and in other ways it's exactly the same. I think if you had another kid it would really highlight how different/same the twin sibling relationship is - we have a younger sis so I can compare the two relationships. My twin (identical BTW) and I did have a secret language, to the point where we were both speech-delayed (hard to imagine now, I know). We did alot of the weird twin stuff like talking for each other and seeming to know each other's thoughts. But we're also VERY different in alot of ways and have had our share of fights. I can honestly say now, though, that we are 100% best friends. My twin sis is by far my closest female friend, and when I look back on my life she is the only constant - it's very hard for me to come up with any memory where she wasn't there. So, "constant playmate" does apply in some ways. Even if they're playmates who are fighting, they still always have that other same-age person there to interact with (and get into mischief with LOL).

sorry for hijacking!

Twinmommy2boys said...

Love the post! It is so very true!

Stacey said...

Great post. I think you help and debunk the mythology.

As a teacher, I've seen all kinds of twins-- from girls I could not tell apart after a whole year because they were SO similar in personality and appearance to twins I couldn't believe were related. Only once did I have both of the set in my homeroom class and I would not recommend that in most situations.

Twinmommy2boys said...

What a bummer about the link thing. I could have found you much sooner!

Shari said...

I always really try to support the best friends idea. We always tell our girls that there are a lot of mean people in the world and they have to take care of each other. We also tell them they will have lots of friends in this lifetime, but they will only have one twin. It's really special to be a twin and we encourage those thoughts. I feel like schools and others spend so much time trying to separate twins that I want to make sure we work to keep them together.

Sadia said...

It's interesting. I'm constantly amazed at how frequently my girls ARE the mythical twins. They are best friends; they do share a crazy number of personality traits; they do get each other, and need each other, and feed off each other. Although I don't see the good twin-bad twin thing, they seem to buy into that themselves.

I feel like I have to work that much harder to encourage people to distinguish them, because it can be work, especially when they're simultaneously going through crazy extrovert phases.

Abdul Mu'iz said...

nice :)