Whenever Nate gets really cranky, it's generally due to one of three different causes: sick, overtired, or not enough alone time. We knew he wasn't sick or overtired, so last night I took him out of the house to get alone time with him while Alex spent alone time with Jon.
Nate and I spent two hours out of the house shopping to prepare for our beach trip this weekend. He was such a happy delightful companion, picking out outfits for us to wear on our date, making a shopping list for our trip, and generally having fun getting extra attention. It was a 180 from his attitude the day before.
This is one of my biggest reservations about adding a third child into our family. Nate has always needed extra alone time and with Jon traveling so often, it's hard to work it into our schedules. And our family works out nicely right now as Alex is a homebody like Jon while Nate gets stir crazy with boredom with the same routine like me.
One of the lessons of Mondo was to not ignore the thoughts that keep popping up, even when they seem impossible. When I made my Mondo list, I honored Mondo by keeping "mother a girl" on it. As time passes since the boys' birth, this dream feels closer and closer to being something that I do not want to come to fruition. I no longer look at little girl clothes with hurting ovaries. I no longer see pink dresses and yearn for a tiny one with pigtails. I feel content with our family as it is.
Unfortunately for Jon, this may mean it's time for the big snip snip.
13 comments:
Laura, I feel very much the same way. We have a very difficult time finding alone time with our girls, and I know that we all need it. In this past year, when I finally felt capable of taking care of a third child, I started to imagine our life with an infant. Everywhere I went and everything I did, I pictured re-doing with an infant.
While I would still love to have a little boy, I have accepted that this is just not in our future! Of course it never really was, except for adoption, as my husband has already been snipped (and while he did sit on a bag of frozen peas for a day or two, he still believes it was the best thing to do!). We still talk about adoption on occasion, and I like knowing that is still an option. But as more time passes, I'm more confident in my feeling that our family is complete. We all reach that stage at different times, and all families are different. What is most important is that you and Jon are happy with your decision, when the time comes to make it a final one.
And I am sure you have/will have either a niece or close friend with a girl so that you have someone to do the girly things with. I think it is very zen how you have to come (close) to making this decision.
I'm glad you and Nate were able to spend some quality time together and recharge your relationship a little.
Personally, I don't think you should give up on the idea of "Mothering a daughter" I think you should just morph it into what feels right for the moment. I think one way to do this right now is to nurture the girl in you. In a few years, it could mean mentoring a young woman. And even further down the road, it just might be doting on a granddaughter.
Very sweet and touching post, with a lovely snort inducing ending. My coworkers must think I'm part pig when I make sounds like that for no apparent reason.
I always thought I wanted at least 3 kids, but our family definitely feels complete right now. For so many reasons, I feel like a third child would just put us over the edge. It's a tough decision to make, in many ways, because it seems so final. But things have a way of working themselves out. I don't totally believe in fate, but if your family is meant to include another girl, it will happen, snip-snip or not!
This is a major concern for me after the new baby arrives is how to work in alone time with Cooper. I really want to make sure to maintain time for just the two of us to be together sometimes.
While I know that after this baby is born I am done with having children of my own biologically, I still wonder if some day I would want to adopt. I agree w/Joanna, you can mother a girl without being her mother. And, I also had to laugh at the snip snip comment. Ben thinks that as soon as Grapefruit is home he needs to schedule this with his doctor. I'm not sure why because I am not pressuring him to get it done right away, although we have talked about it as a future option.
that one on one time is so critical...
and - FWIW - there is no actual snipping anymore. I will be able to absolutely, FOR SURE say that on June 21st at around... 1PM when I pick DH up from his appt. :)
Apparently it's more like a laser or something...
:)
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with being done with two, but now that I'm there, I have incredible peace with that decision.
I've actually started thinking now that once our girls are a little older, I may talk to my husband about becoming foster parents.
But for the moment, I need to focus on going through the bins (upon bins upon bins upon bins) of clothes in my basement and handing those on down.
This is a good reminder of what Sarah might be needing a little more of right now re: today's blog post. Good food for thought.
A ton of my friends have just had babies in the last two months. They are cute, but I'm so happy to not be responsible for them. We are very happy with our 2:2 ratio. :)
Ahhh, you crack me up. Matt & I had the snip snip discussion last week, no decisions made, although I am absolutely sure we will not have more children.
Following up on what Joanna said, you might want to look into the Big Brothers Big Sisters program or something similar. It's not the same as mother-daughter but still allows you to develop a relationship with a female and be a positive influence in her life.
I"m so feeling you on the mothering a daughter thing. I am still at the want it, but know it's not practical stage, but I'm coming closer and closer to peace with my wonderful two boys.
Just got caught up on the past several posts. What cuuuuuuuuuuute little guys!
...juggling twins.... I got nothin' to say. I have no idea what that's like!
.....but if we lived near one another---I'd let you take me to get a manicure, and braid my hair & stuff. I'd EVEN let you buy me dresses.
{I'm all nice & stuff...what can I say?}
:p
I think it's hard to know when you are done having kids, whether you have 2 boys, 2 girls, a boy & a girl, one kid or 5! I feel much the same way that Stacey does, even though I do have a daughter. The thought of another one scares me but I am just not 100% sure that our family is complete. Is 99% close enough?
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