I wrote a post earlier in the month on HDYDI about our current sleep issues. Some nights after the boys go to bed, it's party time. They sing, talk, and laugh for a long time. Sometimes it's fifteen minutes and sometimes it's two hours. We thought it was because we screwed up their schedule over Christmas vacation, so we have spent the last few weeks getting back to a strict schedule. We had a few no-party nights (success!) but now we're back to party time (or not!).
Jon and I finally figured out the problem. The boys are having fun in there. They are having such a great time that no matter how tired they are, they can't wait for party time. I've had to summon up the strength to be their parent instead of being their friend. It's time to tell them to stop having fun and go to sleep. After dealing with so much fighting and craziness, it breaks my heart to tell them they can't have fun together.
Last night was a classic example. Jon's gone and I put the boys to bed at 7:45. At 9:45, they were still talking and laughing and singing. I went in their room and their eyes were swollen from overtiredness. They were manic from overtiredness. I had to be mean mommy.
I told them it was quiet time and if they talked, I was taking away their nightlights. As soon as I shut the door, Nate started talking. I opened the door and Nate handed me his nightlight saying, "I don't want it." I told them the next time I came in, I was taking away their lovies.
It was dead silent after that and they were asleep within five minutes. (And of course, they were crazily cranky this morning.)
I used to get so angry and resentful that I have to resort to being mean mommy so much more quickly than my singleton parent peers. I used to hate looking like a hard-ass, ruling with an iron fist, laying down laws, and starting discipline at such an early age. Over time I've come to realize the reality is that the twin dynamic has always been, and will always be, different. And because of that dynamic, I have to be a different type of parent.
In the future, I know they will find ways around my rules. My sister and I had a no-talking rule after bedtime. In high school, we would turn our walkmans to the same station and dance in our room with the lights out. Because those memories of nights dancing with Jamie are some of my favorites, I have faith that one day the boys will have fun together behind closed doors. But for now, party time is over because they truly do need the rest to be healthy, happy toddlers.
10 comments:
I agree completely with your post. My twins are about to turn 20 months and I feel like I already need to start putting my foot down. I want to be fun, nice mommy but I also want them to be respectful and follow directions.
I also just wanted to introduce myself. I have b/g twins and have been reading your blog for several months. It has given me a possible glimpse into what the next several months will look like with twins and inspiration for starting my own blog.
I totally hear you on this one! Even tho mine aren't twins, the girls are close. And they love being silly once they are in bed in the same room. Which I really didn't mind...until they were monsters the following day!
Matt and I finally decided it's our JOB to teach them good sleeping habits. Especially now when they are young. It's hard, but worth it I think!
Now we even have THREE kids sleeping in the same room! They all go down wide awake and are asleep within 5-10 minutes. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments!
No talking or singing either. (We get that out of the way with Mommy perfoming stories and songs before bedtime!)
I don't think your being Mean Mommy....just MOMMY. And that's a big job somedays (or nights!)
Love how they just handed you the night lights, like "Who cares?!"
LOL you just brought to mind so many memories of my twin sister and I talking, messing around, playing with stuff etc. when we were supposed to be sleeping and my mom barging into our room threatening to make one of us sleep in the basement if we didn't STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW AND GO TO SLEEP!!!
I'm also a "mean mommy" at night. Ever since we switched J to a big boy bed, bedtime has been party time. So now I tell him, "If you get out of that bed ONE TIME I'm shutting your door all the way and turning your night light off!" (and I've done it, so he knows I'm not kidding). It's so mean because he's afraid of sleeping in the dark with his door shut but it works every time.
You are SOOO right about the twin dynamic and punishment. We were out to lunch with friends the other day and Fin started hitting (one of her new favorite things to do when I don't give into her wants). I told her if she did it again she would be put in timeout. Sure enough she reached over and took a swing at Parker. I always follow through with what I say, so just like that I picked her up out of her highchair and sat her on the floor of the restaurant, explained why she would be sitting there for two minutes and went back to lunch. My mom friends thought I was NUTS! Which of course made me feel a little nuts...but we've had to start timeouts earlier than moms with singletons and it's so hard for them to understand my hard line approach! I feel for you...you should write a book on twin punishment- does one exist?!
Nate scares me for you. He reminds me so much of my sister when it comes the punishment thing. She was always one step ahead of my parents. I'd suggest you prepare your response for the first time he laughs at you when you are upset with him.
hope the Mean mommy approach works for you.
I agree when they are so tired they still party on 2 hrs later.My boys are exactly the same - they don't have lovies so make it harder.
Unless I stay in the room they party.
I know what you mean. Mine are four months old and perty time has just begun. Every night it's the same...squealing and chatting in baby talk. We have to seperate them some nights or the manic swollen eyed tiredness sends them into screaming fits later. hard to organise...and hard to manage when with one you know she'd just burble away until she fell asleep.
Its too early to be Mean Mummy, they don't understand...but I don't want us to end up with one girl sleeping in are room the rest of our lives so we'll have to find a way...
Ugh, I hate having to be mean mommy. I totally understand when it comes to sleep, though. Batman goes down at 9 (late I know) last night he was still up when I went to bed at 11!!
I agree as well, and it's so refreshing to see how many twin moms feel the same (or mom's with kids close in age). My twin girls are 3 1/2, and it is SUCH a different dynamic. I think it's hard for other people to understand. We finally had to separate our girls because they were up until 9 or 10 playing and then exhausted and cranky all day. This has worked well, and they seem happy, but I miss having them together!
You're not being mean mommy if you are being firm and setting clear limits. It's something your kids will come to crave and will be better behaved for it. And you will feel saner too.
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