One of the reasons we picked the day care the boys attend is because they have separate rooms for every age. We wanted the flexibility to separate the boys if we felt they would do better apart. During both the transition to the 1s room and the 2s room, we and their teachers did not feel they were ready to be separated.
North Carolina forces twins to be in separate classrooms when they enter school. Since it will be a big transition to start a new school and be separated for the first time, we thought we might try a year of them apart in day care to help them transition. We had talked to the director about a plan to separate them in the 3s room and then bring them back together in the 4s room. I was fine with this plan until it became January, when I realized it was going to happen THIS year, and then I started to get SUPER anxious about them being apart.
I know they could do it. When Nate was out sick a week in December, Alex had a rough first day alone but then rebounded and had a fantastic time. I'm not worried about them being separated from each other. I'm worried about them being separated from their life-long friends. They've been with some of those kids since they were all under 6 months old. They talk about their friends at home all the time.
Since our school tries to keep kids grouped together, the question for Nate and Alex would then become - who gets to stay with the clique and who has to go to a new room? Then I started thinking if they have to be separated when they go to school, why not let them have these years together?
When Nate and Alex go to school, I know they will make different friends and do different activities. They are so different in every way. Last night we went out to dinner (Mimi's Cafe, LOVE it) and kids get a free worm and dirt cup for dessert. Alex ate the worms and hated the dirt; Nate ate the dirt and hated the worms. To me, that sums up Nate and Alex. They are as different as they look.
Yesterday I talked to the director again and told her I had major anxiety. We revised the plan to keep them together until they go to school, with the understanding that we may change our minds again and again. That is one of the things I like about going to an experienced group care facility - they treat the parents as gently as they treat the kids.
On to the next worry!
8 comments:
It never occurred to me that a state would require twins be separated in school. I guess I understand where they are coming from, but it just seems wrong to me. It actually made me anxious reading that they were going to be separated. I'm glad they are going to a center that is so willing to work with you on this.
Oh, as far as your comment on my blog yesterday. The end of the link was cut off, so I had to Google it. I think the fact that I was wondering if Zelda referred to the Legend of or Fitzgerald probably answers you question. When I saw that it was cross stitch I couldn't help but think how appropriate that would be for Andy and I : o (I'm in the process of adapting a Frank Lloyd Wright stain glass window into a cross stitch project, so I shouldn't laugh too hard at the Zelda cross-stitch.)
That would stress me out too!! I think you made a good decision to keep them together. Once they move to a new school, making new friends will happen for both of them - so that way one wont get the clique and the other not!
Same in CA - Twins are separated when they enter Kindergarten. The girls preschool actually recommends keeping them together until that time - unless there are behavior issues.
I guess I'll throw in my .02 as a twin...my sister and I did not go to daycare, we were together all the time until we started kindergarten (no preschool) and our school also said twins have to be in separate classes. It was fine. I think it was very important for us to be in our own class (esp. as identical twins) but I think to separate us earlier would have been hard. My mom prepped us alot for the first year of school, that we'd each have our own teacher, friends, etc. but we were old enough by then to understand what was going on so it was a fairly smooth transition. My sister benefited alot from the separation because she didn't talk alot (I tended to talk "for" her) and she really blossomed once she was away from me:)
Once we were in school separate classes were good for building our own identities - we look just alike but we're very different in alot of ways and always had different friends, interests, etc. Plus we shared a room until we went to college so we needed our space from each other LOL.
I'm so thankful that Texas recently passed a law putting the "to separate or not to separate multiples" question in parents' hands. You may already know this, but there's a petition for similar legislation in North Carolina: http://www.petitiononline.com/nctwins/petition.html. Perhaps it will pass in time for you to be able to put off the decision a little longer.
Silly silly school policies. According to some of my teacher friends, the separation policy is more to keep the poor teachers from having to learn to tell twins apart than any developmental or rational reasoning. It just makes my blood boil!
I'll be interested to see what you eventually do and how it all works out. My daughter are 3 1/2 and in the same day care class. We live in West Virginia, and will (I think) be able to decide for ourselves to keep them together or separate in kindergarten. I have very mixed feelings, and don't personally know anyone with twins, so I love reading your blog and getting another perspective. I think what's really important is that you have a good center that is willing to be so flexible.
If you like to read, the book "Parenting School Age Multiples" (or, um whatever the title is) by Christina Tinglof gives some interesting info on the keeping twins together/seperate in school issue. Particularly the differences between boy/girl, boy/boy, and girl/girl twins.
You should also visit www.twinslaw.com to see if there are any movements in your state to change the seperate automatically laws. My state just passed a law which gives parents the primary say in whether their multiples stay togehter or are seperated. I'm glad because most of the research I've read says that my identical girls will have less anxiety and do better as individuals later on if they are in the same classroom at least for their first school experience. Like you, I'm not worried about them making their own friends, etc. They have very different personalities already and at playgroup they are drawn to different children.
Good luck!
This makes me mad. The choice should always be made by the parents together with the educators. If it is state law, it is really misguided.
Don't forget the good links over at http://howdoyoudoit.wordpress.com/2008/08/23/law-lets-twins-stay-together/
I would fight it.
Just reading this stressed me out! :) My girls are home with us or the sitter and while I know they have a while to go before school starts, I worry a little about their ability to function apart. I'm happy to see that it worked out well for another set of identical girls. right now they are so different, but so attached...
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