If there is one thing I have learned about really enjoying special events with twin toddlers, it is that practice makes perfect. With anything that might go terribly wrong, we practice with the boys ahead of time. I know this makes me look crazy to some people. On Christmas Eve, we'll be making cookies for Santa so on Saturday night, our family made some cookies to practice.
* Do not leave the flour within reach of the boys.
* Those teeny tiny ball sprinkles get everywhere.
* Colored sprinkles stain when picked up by wet fingers and flung to the ground.
This year, we were really hoping to have a fire in the fireplace for the holidays. We've never used the fireplace in our house so we decided to do a trial run this afternoon. The boys have never seen live fire and we were worried Alex would completely freak. In hindsight, that should have been the least of our worries.
When the boys went down for their nap, Jon got everything ready. He opened the flue and a few hornets came out. Here is where the breakdown in communication happened. Jon then shut the flue and asked me if it was a good idea to continue because there might be a hornet's nest up there. He was *really* hesitating but Jon is the more reserved one in our relationship. I thought he had the flue open and determined that if no more hornets were entering, we were in the clear. Plus we could smoke them out with the fire right?
Lesson we were about to learn:
* The person closest to the hornets should make the final decision on the plan of action.
Jon started the fire, opened the flue, and about 50 hornets flew out into the fireplace. I yelled at Jon to shut the fireplace doors. He shut them, but then pointed out to me that the hornets were going to be able to get into our living room through the cracks in the door. Which the hornets then did. And Jon started killing them with his size 13 shoes while I completely panicked.
Jon yelled at me to help him kill hornets and I was so scared I simply could not do it. I ran through the house with a shoe in my hand, completely freaking out, yelping like a tiny dog whenever a hornet would fly above my head.
Lesson you just learned:
* If you ever have a hornet infestation, I am not your person. DO NOT call me.
I thought we should put out the fire so we could close the flue. I got the fire extinguisher and tried to calmly talk to Jon about a plan, but there was a slight problem. There were hornets everywhere in our living room and Jon was trying to kill them as fast as possible. Conversation was not going to happen.
Eventually Jon killed enough hornets that we could focus on putting out the fire and closing the flue. Jon proceeded to kill even more hornets while I vacuumed up dead hornets. I'm fairly certain our Dyson is dead and I'm even more sure I will be too embarrassed to call customer service to find out if vacuuming hornets coming out of your fireplace voids the warranty.
Jon and I laughed about this all evening. Even typing this, I can't help but giggle uncontrollably. Because:
* What if we had decided to try a nice fire for the first time on Christmas Eve? Might have been the worst Christmas Eve of ALL TIME.
* As much as I hate cold weather, the cold was the only reason the hornets were stunned. They acted drunk and flew really slowly, or else Jon and I would have like a bazillion hornet stings right now.
* Thank goodness we did not try this when the kids were awake!
* After eight years together, it's rare for Jon and I to learn completely new things about each other. I said to him over a celebratory meal of nachos and margaritas that "he really manned up." Jon's response: "Yeah you were pretty worthless there."
* I can not stop mentally singing that Tenacious D song "Hornet's Nest."
* After an insane few weeks, I now have even more on my to-do list: figure out what to do with the vacuum, call an exterminator, and google "what do you do with a used fire extinguisher" and then do whatever it says.
* I don't look quite so crazy anymore, doing trial runs ahead of time, now do I??????