Last May, I was a roller coaster of emotions. I still mourned the normal pregnancy, normal birth, and normal newborn experience that I will never have. I still cried at the unfairness of having two babies taken from my body and whisked away for a week where I could not be with them on my terms. I still felt exhausted, overworked, and overwhelmed. I wrote sappy posts about my feelings. I felt happy as well, but the theme the first year with twins was survival.
This May I feel surprisingly unemotional. All those wounds have had time to heal. I no longer feel exhausted, overworked, and overwhelmed. I am still busy (very busy) but I have time for me, time for my husband, time for my friends, and time for my kids. I feel like myself again, physically and emotionally.
Last night we walked to the park after dinner. We made a spontaneous decision and decided to stay later so the boys could play longer. It felt normal, like something any other parents would do. This "normal" life seemed so far out of our reach for so long.
Maybe this is something only twin parents will understand. With no family around, caring for twins on our own was all-consuming for so long. I finally feel that I have my head above water. I finally feel that having twins compliments my life rather than consumes my life. This feeling has slowly been building over the last year. My date night with the boys last week and the park trip last night helped me solidify these feelings. This year was to be a rebuilding year and I feel rebuilt. Life is normal. With twins toddlers.
Magnolias are blooming again and I feel fine.
10 comments:
I hear you on the "normal" thing. I'm still fighting my way through the first year, but a few times, I've managed to do something that it feels like "normal" parents probably do with their single children. And it feels so great! It's liberating. For as much as I respect and enforce the schedule I've created, and it does give my life a bit of well-needed predictability and order... doing something different can be so freeing.
Ask me again after today's BNL adventure, and I might think differently. Hopefully it goes well. :-)
Thanks for this post. I am so tired of running into mom's with their older twins and telling me how much more difficult it gets. Ugh, I am not sure why we find this necessary. Shouldn't women support other women going through similar things? Anyways, my twin boys (1 named Alex) are one now and I feel as if the past 5 months have gotten so much easier than the first 6 or so and I attempt to spread that onto other MoM's with younger twins. I just wanted to let you know that you did that today for me! Thanks, I am truly encouraged :)
It's May, it's spring, and I'm sure the weather is beautiful where you are. This childless mom thinks you have soooo much to look forward to, and it will all be great. Even the hard stuff - I know it!!!!
I am happy that you are finding normalcy and peace as your two adorable boys grow!
Thanks, Laura. Sometimes your posts make me wonder whether all twin families go through exactly the same stages at the same time, since our little ones are only days apart, and our experiences remarkably similar!
It does feel like it's gotten easier, as year three is about to begin. I have a hard time explaining that to my husband, who was away from month 5 to month 20.
I know that feeling very well, I know when I realized it, yet I never really put it down in words. I'm glad you did. For me it happened at 15 months. Considering I was only dealing with 1 child, I'd say that getting there by 24 months isn't bad at all.
I could have written that post. While we are not out of the trenches just yet I'm feeling like I'm getting me back.
You always express things so eloquently. This post was no exception. I love reading your insights into your life with twins.
It must be so refreshing to feel that way. I'll never know what it is like to have twins, but having two so close together can seem pretty overwhelming too. I'll be glad when once again I can feel like I have my head above the water and actually notice that the magnolias are in fact, in bloom.
Well said, Laura. Very well said.
as a twin mama just passing the first year mark, i hear you loud and clear. the whirlwind of emotions is not quite done, but it is so much easier. and i do believe that, though there is toddlerhood and nap switches to conquer, i will continue to feel better...and that is a wonderful thing.
I can totally relate to your feelings on this post and I only have ONE child! I felt like the first year was so hard and I didn't know what was doing. My husband wants to have another, but I feel like I just got to the point where I have figured things out and can take a breath.
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