Thursday, December 01, 2005

I am in denial

Now that I’ve been feeling better, I’ve started to focus on learning about childbirth. We are required by the birth center to take childbirth classes, but there are so many methods from which to choose. I am also, like most women, afraid of the big day and want to be as prepared as possible. Last night, I read a book about pregnancy, specifically the sections on pain management in the different phases of labor.

As I was reading, I realized I am in complete denial about having to have a baby. It hasn’t really hit me that I have to actually go through labor and produce a baby. While I’ve always wanted kids, I’ve never wanted to be pregnant. My friend Ann and I used to discuss figuring out a way to grow babies in test tubes or setting up a surrogate mother program. I still talk to Jon daily about wishing a stork would just drop off a baby at our house with our genes.

When I was planning to be with Jamie for Jace’s birth, I read a lot of books and I was also in complete denial. It wasn’t until the nurse said that it was time to push that I finally freaked out and thought, “Holy crap, I am going to witness a live birth!” I really hope my own awareness moment comes well before I go into labor.

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